The next step

Today I let go of two things that I have held dear to my heart for years. One isn't as significant as the other, but still holds sentimental value. The other is extremely significant, but as the last 24 hours have played out they way they did, I realize I need to let go, and save myself the next year of more unhealthy actions, thoughts, and hopes. Letting go of the one has already made me feel better and happy, letting go of the latter is extremely difficult, and I fear it will bring more tears as the week progresses.

Letting go is hard. But in letting go, I am opening the door to something better. Something I know I am deserving of, and is deserving of me. Something wonderful. Something lovely and perfect, even with all its flaws. It has been said that love blinds you. I have unfortunately found that to be painstakingly true, but I know I can find love elsewhere that is different.

My friend Kelly told me the other day that she thinks this next year has good things in store for me. It was encouraging, but it was also strange because I am looking to this next year with the complete opposite- nothing but pessimism & frustrating days, and I hate to say that. I want it to be true, and I want the drive to make it so. I know what I have to do.

I wish I had a huge golden retriever lounging on my lap as I write this. Preferably, mine. It may be just a dog, but she does wonders for my soul.




My Heidi girl