Swings: restaurants: drives
Sometimes, the memories that fill this town I live in follow me like the plague. I am not trying to be overdramatic here, but it really feels like they do. They have become "lightweight" and bearable over time, but sometimes they weigh heavy and seem to come to me like an oncoming semi on the expressway. Either way, I think to myself, God I really need to get the fuck out of here. It can be anything-something I see, smell, watch on tv, my surroundings. The surroundings part is the most difficult. When I find myself short of breath, I know I need to either count to ten or get out.
It is weird that I will be going into my fourth year here. Everything seems like a decade ago, but it wasn't. In the grand scheme of things, I guess it could be very recent. Sometimes it feels like I have been left behind from my friends. Still here, while they are all...everywhere. Even though I chose to take this job and stay, it still feels that way. In order to help these emotions subside, I think about when I will live somewhere else, how everything will be "new" and certain feelings & emotions won't follow me. Nostalgia can be wonderful (I have 4.5 years of it due to college, it always makes me happy) but when its sad, it really sucks. I like to think of them as scars-survival scars, if you will. They have made me strong and brave-even if they bring me down into a deep black hole once in awhile. I can get myself out much faster and easier now.
Lately, thoughts of "my person" have come to mind. I don't know why, but something tells me we will be very similar. Both have been on our own for a long time, both burned terribly multiple times, both feeling generally doubtful and skeptical about great relationships and...love. Both of us would wonder why it look so long for us to find one another. Or, it could all be crap and it will be someone from a completely different path. I don't know why these thoughts have risen about, but they bring me peace and a soft smile.
To distract myself, I think about these things.....
Pretty dresses. They always make a lady feel beautiful.
I will always love this movie. Something about it just makes me feel like home.
Seeing the ballet. Always a lovely evening.
I used to teach the little ones. I miss it.
Red Christian Louboutin pumps. Sadly, way out of my price range, Aldo will do.
Coffee.
Books. Coffee & books together is also a good thing.
Blue & white bouquets. I never think about my wedding. I don't like to, since I don't know if I will ever even have one. But strangely, besides the groom, this is one of the only things I think about. Flowers.
Golden Retrievers. Red ones, more specifically.
Watching Breakfast at Tiffany's on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
Home. (The Cleve). This city is highly underrated.
Charleston, SC. Haven't been in years. Love it. Miss it.
It is weird that I will be going into my fourth year here. Everything seems like a decade ago, but it wasn't. In the grand scheme of things, I guess it could be very recent. Sometimes it feels like I have been left behind from my friends. Still here, while they are all...everywhere. Even though I chose to take this job and stay, it still feels that way. In order to help these emotions subside, I think about when I will live somewhere else, how everything will be "new" and certain feelings & emotions won't follow me. Nostalgia can be wonderful (I have 4.5 years of it due to college, it always makes me happy) but when its sad, it really sucks. I like to think of them as scars-survival scars, if you will. They have made me strong and brave-even if they bring me down into a deep black hole once in awhile. I can get myself out much faster and easier now.
Lately, thoughts of "my person" have come to mind. I don't know why, but something tells me we will be very similar. Both have been on our own for a long time, both burned terribly multiple times, both feeling generally doubtful and skeptical about great relationships and...love. Both of us would wonder why it look so long for us to find one another. Or, it could all be crap and it will be someone from a completely different path. I don't know why these thoughts have risen about, but they bring me peace and a soft smile.
To distract myself, I think about these things.....
Pretty dresses. They always make a lady feel beautiful.
I will always love this movie. Something about it just makes me feel like home.
Seeing the ballet. Always a lovely evening.
I used to teach the little ones. I miss it.
Red Christian Louboutin pumps. Sadly, way out of my price range, Aldo will do.
Coffee.
Books. Coffee & books together is also a good thing.
Blue & white bouquets. I never think about my wedding. I don't like to, since I don't know if I will ever even have one. But strangely, besides the groom, this is one of the only things I think about. Flowers.
Golden Retrievers. Red ones, more specifically.
Watching Breakfast at Tiffany's on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
Home. (The Cleve). This city is highly underrated.
Charleston, SC. Haven't been in years. Love it. Miss it.
posted by A lady. at
8:53 AM
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