fading
I'm in a self-reflective state.
How is it that memories.....fade? Do we block them out, because they cause us pain? Do they leave us subconsciously and we don't even realize it? Then we see the object/place/person and wonder, where did it all go? How am I looking at this and my mental state has completely transformed? And furthermore, is this a good thing or a bad thing? How are we supposed to feel about this sudden change? Ugh, so many questions. That I feel, will never know the answer to.
Complexity. This is the thought for the week. I think about people and their baggage. I was having a conversation with someone the other day but getting older-and how sometimes, the adult world brings on so much more drama, complexity, and ridiculous messiness. We hope that it doesn't-we hope that people, in general, settle down and find themselves. When we were in our younger 20's, we made bad decisions and threw around our crap like it was no ones business, played risky games with alcohol, drugs, sex, people's emotions-but we had some breathing room there because we were still developing. It was the time in life to make those mistakes. Learn from them, move on, be better people. It was a given. Its what our parents told us. But what happens when you are an adult and you are responsible, you have your life together, but the messiness just continues. I don't know about you, but I just keep hearing/seeing/experiencing more messiness. Worse messiness. Grown, responsible adults doing terrible, unspeakable things. When I heard this past summer that the Vice President of Student Affairs at Ohio State University was convicted of leading a drug ring and was snorting lines of cocaine from his theory books...I was like what. the. fuck. Happy, successful, married individuals cheating on their spouses and having same-sex randevous in random cities, because they just felt like it. Long-term groups of friends and their intricate triagles, squares, pentagons of emotional strings attached here and there, short-lived love affairs, forgives and forgets after different forms of poor treatment, in general, a group dynamic that gives complexity a whole new meaning. That as an outsider, you say what the hell is going on with humanity and their emotions. It all just gives me a very pessimistic outlook on the years to come. Nothing seems to surprise me anymore. Call me tainted, I openly accept it.
But on the plus side, all this complexity can make those simple, pure, happy life moments so utterly amazing and unforgettable. That make you truly say, this is what life is all about. But for some of us, those moments can be very few and far between. If they don't happen for awhile, we wonder where they are. When, or if, they are coming. We can look to them as small pieces of sanity. That gives us hope, or faith, or whatever it is we are looking for. Or, it is just easier to see them as fading. And continue on with the complexity. Because it has come to be all we know.
Just some musings...from an older 20 something girl.
xoxo
How is it that memories.....fade? Do we block them out, because they cause us pain? Do they leave us subconsciously and we don't even realize it? Then we see the object/place/person and wonder, where did it all go? How am I looking at this and my mental state has completely transformed? And furthermore, is this a good thing or a bad thing? How are we supposed to feel about this sudden change? Ugh, so many questions. That I feel, will never know the answer to.
Complexity. This is the thought for the week. I think about people and their baggage. I was having a conversation with someone the other day but getting older-and how sometimes, the adult world brings on so much more drama, complexity, and ridiculous messiness. We hope that it doesn't-we hope that people, in general, settle down and find themselves. When we were in our younger 20's, we made bad decisions and threw around our crap like it was no ones business, played risky games with alcohol, drugs, sex, people's emotions-but we had some breathing room there because we were still developing. It was the time in life to make those mistakes. Learn from them, move on, be better people. It was a given. Its what our parents told us. But what happens when you are an adult and you are responsible, you have your life together, but the messiness just continues. I don't know about you, but I just keep hearing/seeing/experiencing more messiness. Worse messiness. Grown, responsible adults doing terrible, unspeakable things. When I heard this past summer that the Vice President of Student Affairs at Ohio State University was convicted of leading a drug ring and was snorting lines of cocaine from his theory books...I was like what. the. fuck. Happy, successful, married individuals cheating on their spouses and having same-sex randevous in random cities, because they just felt like it. Long-term groups of friends and their intricate triagles, squares, pentagons of emotional strings attached here and there, short-lived love affairs, forgives and forgets after different forms of poor treatment, in general, a group dynamic that gives complexity a whole new meaning. That as an outsider, you say what the hell is going on with humanity and their emotions. It all just gives me a very pessimistic outlook on the years to come. Nothing seems to surprise me anymore. Call me tainted, I openly accept it.
But on the plus side, all this complexity can make those simple, pure, happy life moments so utterly amazing and unforgettable. That make you truly say, this is what life is all about. But for some of us, those moments can be very few and far between. If they don't happen for awhile, we wonder where they are. When, or if, they are coming. We can look to them as small pieces of sanity. That gives us hope, or faith, or whatever it is we are looking for. Or, it is just easier to see them as fading. And continue on with the complexity. Because it has come to be all we know.
Just some musings...from an older 20 something girl.
xoxo
posted by A lady. at
8:13 PM
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